


The 14 days of Valentines

by Lelline



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, Fluff, Humor, Multi, OT3, Polyamory, Secret Identity Fail, Valentine's Day, love triangle solved the right way, tacky gifts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-18 03:17:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5896054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lelline/pseuds/Lelline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two secret admirers, meddling crews, 'unrequited' feelings and tacky gifts make February 1st-February 14th very interesting for Lil J.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The first

**Author's Note:**

> (Poem is My Life’s Delight by Thomas Campion)

Jeremy's first reminder that Valentine's Day was coming up was when Ryan paused in the middle of an interrogation, and asked Michael if gifting someone a real human heart would be a good romantic gesture.

“I'd think people would just prefer chocolates.” Michael suggested with a snicker. “Or you could just give them your dick in a box.”

“Would it have to be mine though?”

Jeremy wasn't anywhere near them, having stayed outside the warehouse to keep watch. He was stationed just over the only entrance, sitting on the rusty fire escape and scrolling through some dumb click bait website. It impossible for him not to eavesdrop, the radio in his ear was the only sound around.

“I mean, it could be someone else’s.” From the sound of a pained whimper in the background they’d gone back to work. “But I think it would be more significant if it was yours. Bigger gesture even if it would fit in a smaller box. Do you want me to see if Lindsay will lend you a ring box to put it in?”

“Shut up.” Ryan’s voice was a little too sharp. Jeremy was still getting used to the older man, not having had many chances to work with him. According to the others, he was actually just a big dork beneath all the skulls and blood. Jeremy could believe it judging by the conversation the brunette was having with Michael, but there was still a nervous shiver that trailed up his spine when he heard him talk like that. The fact that the man was fucking gorgeous didn’t make it any easier to relax around him. Even if the man wasn’t as cruel as they said and even if he wasn’t as cool as he seemed, Jeremy would fuck up around him because of his eyes.

Still, Jeremy was resolved to try. He was going to be working with the Vagabond in the foreseeable future, and that meant they’d need to communicate easily. “It's alright, Ryan. Good things come in small packages.”

“That’s true. You’d know wouldn’t you?” The man replied smoothly, voice still dark and deep in that unfair way it always went. “You’re what, 4’10?”

“5’4, fuck you very much.” Jeremy protested, though he was smiling.

“If you two are done bantering.” The redhead trailed off for a second, the air filled with the sound of a cracking bone. “I think our new informant wants to talk.

And with that, the conversation ended.

* * *

 

By the time the body was dumped and the three got back to the 10 bedroom penthouse the Fake AH crew called home, Jeremy had completely forgotten about Valentine's day again.

It had been a good while since he’d had a reason to remember the holiday, past the need to avoid restaurants around that time. The sales on chocolates afterwards was always a nice touch, but now that he was working with the Fake AH Crew money wasn’t a problem. He could buy chocolate whenever he wanted.

He went on his laptop, intending to just browse the internet and maybe arrange for his mother to get flowers or something. Instead he just ends up on the same old clickbait website, reading about cats in the Fallout games. He stood up, intent on getting a shower and then getting a bite to eat, only to jump at a sudden yell.

“LIIIIIIIIL J!” Ray was gleeful as he called out from the entryway. “MAIL TIME!”

He wondered as he headed out of his room if he would ever get people to understand how undeniable dorky the crew was at home. But as he saw Ray standing in the doorway, holding up a red envelope like it held the answers to the universe, he realized this was much worse than Ray’s usual excitement at having an excuse to sing the “Mail Song” from Blue’s Clues.

It was definitely a valentine's day card.

“Open it here! Open it here!” Geoff crowed from his spot on the couch, Jack grinning just as wide from her spot next to him.

“No.” He said, crossing his arms. “This is going to be some practical joke or something isn’t it.”

“Hey, we’re dicks, but we’re not Dicks.” Geoff gave him a serious look, but he seemed to have trouble not-smiling. “We just wanna know who it's from.”

“Matt probably.” He took the envelope, wondering if it was just some jokey card from the B team.

It was a handmade card.

The cardstock was high quality, thin yet strong, dyed a dark red like blood and its texture was natural yet smooth. There was a silver border, obviously done with a printer or at least a stencil with how perfect it was, but the words were handwritten in black ink.

_Come! O come, my life's delight!_  
_Let me not in languour pine!_  
_Love loves no delay; thy sight,_  
_The more delayed, the more divine!_

He swallowed hard, opening the card to find more poetry lovingly penned inside.

_O come, and take from me_  
_The pain of being deprived of thee!_  
_Thou all sweetness dost enclose!_  
_Like a little world of bliss:_  
_Beauty guards thy looks. The rose_  
_In them, pure and eternal is._  
_Come then! and make thy flight_  
_As swift to me, as heavenly light!_

_Be mine, Valentine?_  
J.H.

“What does it say?” Jack asked from the couch. “Why is Jeremy so red?”

“Its _poetry_.” Ray tattled with a grin so wide it looked like it hurt.

And Jeremy wanted to disappear, utterly perplexed and embarrassed by the card. He wanted the world to leave him alone for a few minutes so that he could recover but instead it just grew worse as Gavin returned home.

The blonde was oblivious to the scene he’d walked into, arms loaded with a few bags from different jewelry stores. And of course he’d show up at the moment with clear evidence that he was not the mysterious card writer (not that Gavin would ever do something that tacky). Instead Gavin had been out shopping, undoubtedly getting gifts for Meg.

And that really sucked. Because Jeremy kinda wished Gavin was the writer.

“Gavin…” Jack sat up a little, while Geoff just sat back and watched like this was some big soap opera.

“I found that scarf you told me about.” He reported to her a little excitedly. “Meg’s going to love it.”

“Forget girls, Vav. Look at Jeremy.” Ray pointed at the still frozen man. “He got a love poem from his valentine.”

“Wut?” Gavin turned to look at Jeremy, eyes going straight down to the card. He looked at it like it was going to grow limbs and jump at him. “ _Poetry_?”

Jeremy forced himself to shrug, still feeling more embarrassed than he’d ever been in his life. “Hey, it's a sweet gesture. They must be traditional.”

“Who sent it?” The blonde’s eyebrows had furrowed, and instead of looking intense or serious he just looked constipated. “ _Poetry_.”

“J.H.” Jeremy honestly had no idea who that could be.

“You mean Joel Heyman?” And if Ray had looked ecstatic before, now he was downright gleeful.

Joel Heyman. The leader of the How 2. The never aging, loud, gold loving man who had met Jeremy only the week before. The one who had worn the sun visor and looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

This was growing more and more awkward by the minute, so with a mumbled excuse Jeremy retreated back to his room to squirrel away the letter and then head to the bathroom to get a long, hot shower to wash away the strange thoughts racing through his head.

“Use cold water!” Geoff called out. “Don’t jack off in there and clog the pipes.”

And after his shower, he’d probably have to kill his friends.

There was no way that the card was from Joel.

Right?


	2. The Second

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So quick heads up that not all chapters will be equal length. Some will be short, some may be huge. Once its all done might tweak things and combine days but bear with it for now.

February 2nd:

One added benefit of spending a good few hours laying in bed, worrying about something embarrassing, was that the next day you were completely numbed to it.

Or at least, that was what Jeremy told himself as he headed out to the kitchen, intent on pretending he wasn’t constantly reliving the stress and horror of opening up a handmade valentine full of soppy poetry in front of his crew.

“Good Morning Romeo.” Geoff purred, sitting at the table with a bowl of coffee and a bemused grin.

He’d obviously been talking to Ryan before Jeremy arrived, since the other man was sitting next to him. It was strange to see the Vagabond in pyjamas, face and feet bare and hands wrapped around a warm mug. He hadn’t shaved or brushed his hair, looking soft and disheveled as he watched Jeremy stumble over to the coffee pot.

There was no coffee left, probably due to the fact Geoff had chosen to drink about a litre of it, but there was no way Jeremy would survive without. With a mighty sigh, he went to brew a new pot. He already knew without looking that the grinds would be in the top shelf and a quick glance into the cupboards confirmed his theory to be true.

Cursing, he put a hand on the counter and reached up, straining to almost touch the bag.

“Here.” Ryan’s voice murmured hoarsely just behind his ear before a lean body pressed against his back. Jeremy’s already sluggish brain short circuited, especially as the taller man’s breath ghosted down his neck.

“Thanks.” He tried to pretend he wasn't acutely aware of how close the other was, or how he wanted to step back and follow Ryan's warmth when the other man put the coffee bag on the table and stepped back.

“So Romeo, wherefore art thou Juliet?” Geoff wiggled his eyebrows. “Are you going to go find her?”

“Wherefore doesn't mean where.” Ryan interjected. “It means why.”

“Thanks man, I really appreciate you telling me that.” Geoff gave Ryan a dirty look.

Jeremy focused on measuring out his coffee, spooning out a little extra in the end because he deserved it.

“Come on Dooley, you don't wanna talk about that love letter?”

“I don't have any idea who it's from. So not really.” Jeremy shrugged, moving on from the percolator to the fridge.

“You have no idea?” Ryan sounded a little surprised. “They didn't sign it?”

“No, they bitched out and just used their initials.” The oldest man took another long drawl of his drink, mustache drooping from the steam. “We think it's Joel Heyman.”

Ryan had been sitting as Geoff spoke, and the news seemed to startle him. He nearly missed his chair, smacking his elbow against the back of it. “You think Joel sent the poems? I don't even know if he knows what poems are.”

“Well.” Geoff said, “It was pretty over the top. And we all know that Joel does everything over the top.”

“I don't know that. I don't even really know Joel.” Jeremy shrugged, gathering up his breakfast and going to sit at the table.

“Joel isn't poetry.” Ryan shook his head, glancing to Geoff as if looking for backup.

Geoff’s eyebrows rose, “Is that so? Well you’d be the one to know. You're the drama nerd.”

“Really?” Jeremy tried to change the subject. “Did you do theatre or something?”

“Yeah.” Ryan seemed embarassed all of a sudden, “that's not important though. Joel wouldn't send poetry. Joel would send something tacky.”

“So a handmade Valentine's Day card full of poetry isn't tacky?” That was hard for Jeremy to believe. Joel seemed like the type to make huge gestures, or none at all. He could believe him sending poetry, it was just harder to believe he would send it to Jeremy.

“No.” Ryan protested, “It's classy. It's a classic poem. He would send something childish like a stuffed animal.”

As if summoned, the buzzer rang, letting them know there was someone at the door.

“Was someone supposed to drop by today?” Geoff asked, a little surprised.

 

* * *

 

“It does look like something Joel would send.” Ryan conceded as the three men and a freshly woken Jack stood around, looking blankly at the massive stuffed cat currently taking up the doorway. It was big and it was tacky, though it really did look like his cat Scooter. A big bow was wrapped around its neck, and a heart shaped card hung from it.

This time the card was made of cheap gold construction paper and besides the shape, had not been decorated.

“How did they go from a soppy love poem to just writing “BE MINE V”.” Jack asked, looking utterly perplexed at the shoddy craftsmanship. “Did they have hand cramps or something.”

“Did Joel send this, Jack?” Ryan seemed testy, but Jeremy supposed it was just because he’d been proven wrong that Joel was the secret admirer. “I though he and you were something.”

“I'm not one to stand in the way of true love.” She shrugged, “but no, he usually sends me gold jewelry.”

“He sends you gold jewelry?” Jeremy frowned. “But you don't wear jewellery.”

“And you don't keep massive stuffed animals.” Ryan poked at its big glass eyes with a frown.

“It looks like the cat I have back home.” Jeremy mused.

Ryan lifted it up, holding the bulk of it away from his body like it would somehow ruin his pyjamas. “Want me to burn it?”

“What? No.” Jeremy protested immediately. He didn't want the gift, but it at least had been a little thoughtful. Or at the very least, they'd been lucky enough to just pick a toy that was perfect.

“What's going on?” Gavin emerged from his room, looking a little too awake. He was already dressed up like he was headed out, wearing nice jeans and a black shirt that clung to him like a second skin.

“Someone sent Jeremy a giant cat.” Michael piped up from the kitchen. None of them had noticed him get up. The redhead looked either angry or amused or somewhere in between. “They think it was Joel.”

“What? Still?” Gavin looked at them all like they had just told him Santa wasn't real. “It can't be Joel.”

“Why not?” Ryan seemed to be directing his anger at Gavin, giving the blonde a scathing look.

Gavin glared back at him, arms crossing, but his eyes went wide when Ryan winked at him.

Honestly, if Gavin wasn't with Meg, Jeremy would have guessed the two liked each other. They certainly had chemistry.

“Well, did they initial the card?” Gavin tried as he shifted back on his face, slightly blushing.

“It just says ‘be mine v’.” Jeremy repeated. “Short and rude.”

“Maybe its Be Mine, V.” The brit obviously wanted to make sense of the note, frowning a little as he looked at it. And Jeremy appreciated the effort.

“Whose name starts with a V though?” Jeremy shook his head. “Thanks for trying, but I think its a lost cause.”

“Jeremy….” Gavin started, before letting out a deep sigh. “Nevermind then.”

And so Jeremy headed back to the kitchen, hoping to forget everything that had happened.

Little did he know, this was just the start.


	3. The Third

**February 3rd**

The greatest feeling of relief hit Jeremy when he finished supper on the third day without having a delivery man show up at the door.

There would probably be more things arriving before Valentine's Day, he was kind of resigned to that fact, but in the meantime he wanted things to go back to normal. He didn’t want any more teasing from Geoff, anymore awkwardness around Ryan, or any more strange looks from Gavin.

The brit seemed concerned or curious, constantly looking at Jeremy, or at the massive tabby perched on the couch. Someone had put Jeremy’s hat on it, along with a red bandana and Ray had taken quite a few pictures of it to post online, calling it Billy.

Before supper, he’d finally figured out a good reason for Gavin’s weird looks.

Gavin was the kind of person to do a big embarrassing gesture rather than something small and heartfelt. The blonde would never be able to come out and just say that he liked someone, and he would never be able to root through poetry to find the perfect love confession like J.H apparently had.

Gavin would be the type to send his crush a massive stuffed animal. It would be just like him to write a short brief note on the tag and even mess that up.

And Gavin was nicknamed Vav, wasn’t he?

Jeremy had steeled himself, then headed over to Gavin’s side as soon as the blonde had been alone. It would be perfect if Gavin admitted to sending the cat, since Jeremy would freely admit to liking Mr. Free a little too much. However, his own crush made him hesitate a little. It was possible he was just seeing what he wanted to see.

What about Meg?

He took in a deep breath and went over anyways. “Hey Gav?”

“Yes, Lil J?”

“Did you send the cat?” Jeremy just went for the throat, hoping it would help get a clear answer. A direct question might get a direct answer out of him.

Instead Gavin just stared at him like he had grown another head and asked what a gun was. The brit hesitated, then repeated in a small voice. “Did I send the cat?”

“And that was a clear no if Jeremy was ever going to get one. Because Gavin looked completely shocked and gutted, like he wasn’t sure how to respond to that sentence.

“I… I didn’t send the cat?” Gavin tried tentatively, and Jeremy wanted to believe that it was the worse lie he’d ever heard, but then again there was Meg. Gavin liked Meg. And now he was standing there, almost leaning a little away from Jeremy as if afraid Jeremy would jump at him and kiss him or something.

And crap. Gavin definitely knew about Jeremy’s crush on him then.

“Look, nevermind. I just thought the V could have stood for Vav.” Jeremy backed off, raising his hands up as if he was escaping a terrifying creature instead of a startled brit. “It was stupid. There's just not that many people around here that would use a V to sign something.”

“Why would I sign with a V?” Gavin shook his head a little too quick. “I’d use a G, right?”

It was hard to argue against that, especially with Gavin looking so startled and confused. Jeremy had fucked up.

What was worse was turning to leave just to see Ryan standing right behind him. The skull faced killer just seemed amused by the exchange, obviously enjoying their discomfort.

Jeremy rolled his eyes and walked past him, quickly getting over his unease around Ryan when it was compared to the embarrassment he felt.

And so as supper ended without another gift showing up for him, he felt a sense of relief. Maybe he could forget the whole thing and survive the night with some of his pride intact. Gavin was avoiding him now, and in hindsight maybe Gavin had just been trying to figure out if he could send Meg something big like that.

Once supper was done, Jeremy grabbed his gun bag and followed Jack and Ray out to the car. They had a job to do.

FNKI was some upstart crew causing troubles for Funhaus, operating in the only city between the two crews. The city, Vale, also played host to two other crews. The Olympians and the Faunus. The Faunus were willing to play nice with the Fakes and Funhaus, but they would need control of the city to make everything go smoothly.

So the Fakes were there to start a war.

Jeremy let the other two guide him, knowing out of the three of them he had the least experience at assassinations. It would be easy work, especially since FNKI were not expecting an attack anytime soon. This city was not nearly as dangerous as AC, but it was still a bit strange to Jeremy that only one crew in town had snipers.

It was however terribly convenient that they wouldn’t need to plant much evidence.

Ray picked a spot just across from the roller derby, face a little serious as he walked the perimeter of the roof twice before picking a spot to set up. Jack took the other end of the wall so Jeremy went to the center. He was the least noticeable of the three, since his gun and clothes were shades of grey instead of pink or Hawaiian print (and how many Hawaiian shirts did Jack own?), but his positioning in the center may have had more to do with his skill. He was accurate, yes, skilled, yes, but if he was going to mow down a crowd the sniper rifle would be his last choice. The other two could handle getting nearly everyone who tried to run away, but he'd just be there to help with the sheer numbers

Jack shot him a little grin, “Get the torch out, they'll be out soon. The place closes now.”

Jeremy reached for the bag he'd brought the wooden torch in, There was a loose piece of clothing in the bag too and he figured he must have accidentally packed a sock or something into the bag. Stuffing the silk into his pocket to investigate later, he turned to Ray. “Lighter?”

“Here.” Ray tossed it down the roof, grinning when Jeremy barely caught it. “Careful man. Don’t break it. I need it.”

It was just a cheap gas station lighter, already half empty. But Jeremy was still careful not to drop it as he lit the torch.

The doors to the roller derby opened, the timing being just perfect. They obviously saw the torch immediately, a bright beacon shining far above them like it was meant to be a symbol of hope and athletic spirit or something.

All Jeremy saw in the bright firelight was the splash of red at his hip. It hadn’t been a sock in his bag.

It was a red panty with black trim, looking like it would be far too small on Jeremy.

Be Mine The crotch ordered him in big white letters.

Wrapping the terrible gift around the top of the torch, he tossed the whole thing over the edge of the roof. He was glad now that this was an easy job, since his mind was now on going home and murdering Geoff.

There was no doubt in his mind that it had been his boss who had planted the panties there. Even worse, he had left his overnight bag unsupervised as well.  
It was nearly midnight by the time they reached the hotel again. They were sharing a bedroom, all deciding they would rather safety in numbers rather than relative privacy.

Jeremy regretted that decision when he opened his bag.

The only things inside were two black pasties, silk stockings, a black thong and a robe straight out of a 70’s porno.

And Ray saw the whole thing.

“So. Should we start calling you Ron? Ron Jeremy?”

He was going to murder Geoff.


	4. The Fourth

**February 4th**

The first thing Jeremy did upon arriving back in Achievement City was getting a shower and changing into some clean clothes.

He wished it were hunting down Geoff and shoving the sexy loungewear up his ass, but unfortunately their leader had mysteriously disappeared with a bottle of whisky and word was he was visiting his girlfriend.

And yeah. Jeremy was not confronting Geoff there. Griffon was far too good with a chainsaw and was often artistic with her choices in what to carve.

So he chose to act like everything was normal.

Gavin still seemed uncomfortable around him, avoiding eye contact and letting out a little startled noise when Jeremy brushed past him on the way to the living room. Gav stopped in place in the hallway, then reached back to snag the shorter man’s elbow as he passed. “Jeremy…”

“What's up, Gav?” He turned to face him, praying that he didn’t sound or look hopeful. It was bad enough that one of his best friends had to know about his crush on them, he didn’t want to make his crush the other man’s problem.

“I was…. Did you…” He shifted his weight nervously, then glanced up at Jeremy as if he was already expecting an answer to the question he wasn’t able to ask.

And no matter how good of a friend Jeremy tried to be, he couldn’t bear this awkwardness.

“Hey, I just wanted to thank you.” He changed the subject, giving Gavin the brightest smile he could manage. “You do a lot for me Gav. You’re a good friend.”

“You’re a great friend too Jeremy.” Gavin gave him a sad smile, and fuck it, if the man was going to obviously pity him, he was at least getting a quick hug out of it.

Gavin seemed surprised by the contact, letting out a little gasp, but was soon wrapped around Jeremy, letting out a little humm. They’d never really done anything like that before, just touching for the sake of touching. Sure, Gavin had climbed onto Jeremy’s shoulders once or twice, and there had been that time when they had hid under a single bed together, but this was nice. Gavin was so much taller than him, but was so much smaller at the same time, Jeremy’s hands nearly spanning the width of his ribs.

There was a little click noise from somewhere behind Jeremy, and then a loud shutter noise. Jeremy couldn’t back away fast enough, turning to see who had just taken pictures.

“Meg!” Gavin groaned, face bright red and a little pained. “What are you doing?”

“You’ll thank me when you have the pictures for your wedding slideshow.” The woman said playfully. She looked stunning as always, hair a new shade of red and dress clinging to her like a second skin. “You two seem close.”

“Its not like that Meg.” Gavin protested quickly, giving Jeremy a nervous look. “We were just-”

“I should get going.” Jeremy nodded stiffly, body not sure what emotions to let show. “Nice talk, Gav.”

“Y-Yeah.”

It was a relief to find Jack and Michael already playing together on the xbox. They were finishing up a rainbow six map, Jack disarming the bomb while Michael stood guard. They had an amazing set up in the living room, with the tv capable of splitting into as many screens as needed to show all of their xboxes. While the 8 player split screen was pushing it, the screen itself was ridiculously large enough not to ruin gameplay when shrunk. As it was, the screen split into four.

“Ryan!” Jack called out. “Come join us.”

There was a sigh from the kitchen, “I’m busy.”

“We don’t give a fuck, Ryan. Come on. Jeremy’s here so there's an uneven number.”

“Fine.” The older man made his way out, dressed quite literally to kill, but with his makeup smudged around his mouth and nose. A can of diet coke was in his hand, but he set it down on the table and sat beside Jeremy. “Rainbow Six?”

“Yes.” Jeremy said. “Just in case we don’t get enough heists in real life.”

“Hey man, its fucking training.”

“Speaking of Heyman.” Jack cut in as they finally started up a new game lobby. Jeremy joined immediately but Ryan’s xbox was still booting, “Any new gifts Jeremy?”

“You mean since Geoff’s beautiful gifts last night?” Jeremy rolled his eyes. “No.”

“What did Geoff give you?” Ryan asked, turning to look at him in surprise.

“Lingerie.” He let out a long suffering sigh, though he felt great as the game finally started. “Like the whole nine yards. Panties, pasties, stockings.”

“Jesus fuck Ryan.” Michael hissed as Ryan’s character shot his.

“Sorry, my finger slipped.” Ryan turned back towards the TV, almost seeming uncomfortable with the topic until he glanced at Jeremy. “So did you wear it?”

“Why the hell would I?”

“I don’t know.” Ryan said, voice suddenly dark and playful. There should be rules about someone talking in that voice in public, since it made a chill travel down Jeremy’s spine. “I bet you’d look good in it though.”

“I would.” Jeremy nodded, grinning a little to hide the flush of his cheeks. “But I’m not going to wear that shit in a hotel room with Ray and Jack.”

“You could have worn that pimp robe with it though.” Jack smiled, “That was the best part of it all.”

“I highly doubt that.” Ryan murmured, barely loud enough for Jeremy to hear.

Jeremy continued the game far too aware of the man next to him. The flirting had sounded kind of joking, but he almost wanted to read more into it. He had no idea why.

“Hey… Ryan.” Jack spoke up again. “Why did you start calling yourself the Vagabond.”

The Vagabond started to answer him, some stupid story about theatre or something, but Jeremy’s mind had only caught onto one letter.

_V._

Jeremy had no idea why he hadn’t realized it before, but Ryan could be V. It certainly made sense in some ways, since he had been there to witness Jeremy opening up the first card. He’d either set up the stuffed animal delivery as a joke, or just because he had felt like he should do something to lay claim on Jeremy and had no idea how. If the stuffed animal had been a quick last minute thing, it could explain why there was a mistake on the tag and why Ryan had been so critical of it. People were always the most critical about themselves.

But no. He couldn’t think about it. He’d already made things super awkward with Gavin and there was no way in hell he’d bring it up around Ryan. He couldn’t ostracize himself from a third of the crew.

But damn, he wouldn’t mind Ryan being V. It would be a little awkward since they rarely talked, but it wasn’t like he wasn’t easy on the eyes. And it was hard to be afraid of the man when he was moving on from a discussion on Macbeth to mourning the loss of his little camera bot in their game.

It was early when Jeremy finally gave in to the thought of sleep. Between his freakout on the first and the job last night, he’d been a little sleep deprived. Also, since he had spent the night before listening to Jack snore, he was more than excited to sleep in the quiet of his own room.

He was pulling off his clothes as soon as the door shut, flipping off the switch at the door and stumbling to his bedside lamp to turn that on instead. He’s down to his boxers by the time he notices the box on his bed, but he doesn’t mind so much when he wouldn’t want an audience for this anyways.

Especially not if it was more ‘helpful’ gifts from Geoff.

He didn’t think it was from Geoff though. Even without opening it, he knew it had to be from J.H., the box being real wood with Jeremy’s name etched onto the top.

He opened it carefully, knowing he should be more paranoid about a trap or bomb, but not believing that there could be anything that serious getting past security in their building.

And at the very top was another card, made out of the same materials as the first. The same handwriting was on it, though this poem was much shorter.

_Doubt thou the stars are fire;_   
_Doubt that the sun doth move;_   
_Doubt truth to be a liar;_   
_But never doubt I love._   
_JH_

He grabbed his phone, typing in just the first line before google returned back the origin of the quote. It was from Hamlet, that one shakespearean play where a man talks with a skull.

Resolving to ask Ryan about Hamlet the next day, he lifted the letter away to show what else was inside.

A custom gun.

It was a real, custom gun, surrounded by a few boxes of ammo.

Jeremy lifted it up carefully, as if afraid the metal would warp under his fingers. Someone had spent a pretty penny on it, the stock comfortably shaped to fit easily in his hands and the frame etched to have the Fake AH crew logo on it.

He fiddled with it for a moment, turning it over in his hands and trying to see if it was as good as it looked. The parts were high quality and perfectly put together.

It wasn’t a sniper, but Jeremy could honestly care less. This was probably the coolest thing anyone had ever done for him. He just stood there for far too long, holding the empty gun and smiling like a dork. Someone had commissioned something for him. Someone had taken their time to custom make something to give to him.

He was careful as he put the gun back into the box and lifted it to sit on his dresser, resolving to go to the gun range the next morning and test the gun himself. Even if it turned out to be a bad gun, he imagined he was going to carry it everywhere anyways.

Then with excitement and joy still cycling through his veins, he went to bed and tried to get some sleep.


	5. The Fifth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if anyone is even reading this.

**February 5th**

Jeremy woke with a groan, already completely done with the day.

His dreams had been of warmth and sunshine, with Jeremy floating out in an endless river. He had sometimes had someone on his raft with him, sometimes not, but the clearest part had been the sound of Ryan’s voice, chanting _Let me not in languour pine_ and _Doubt thou the stars are fire_. Near the end of the dream, the sensations changed. The world itself dimmed into a red light and Ryan’s voice drifted down to come from just beside him. Instead of looking towards Ryan though, his eyes drifted down to the other side, where two green eyes were practically glowing. Gavin leaned forward, claiming his lips as Ryan continued to murmur into his ear.

Waking up from that to hear Geoff singing loudly in the kitchen was not a nice transition. Even if he did have the chance now to kill his boss for that lingerie trick, he’d much rather be floating along in a river with his crushes.

Pulling on some jeans and a shirt, Jeremy headed straight for the source of the noise.

“Jeremy.” Geoff smiled, passing him a plate of food like everything was fine. He was glowing with health, obviously peppy from his visit with Griffon.

“I hate you.” Jeremy said. “That wasn’t cool.”

“What? Eggs and bacon?” Geoff frowned all too innocently. “Do you want toast too?”

“No. The clothes swap.” He hissed, but took his food and headed for the table. Truth be told, he wasn’t brave enough to actually hit his boss, especially over something that happened two days ago.

He was going to try and hold a grudge, but he doubted it would last much longer if Geoff was going to be in a rare nice mood.

The day was mostly quiet, Jeremy’s only plans being a quick crew meeting after lunch. He headed for the gym, working off his frustration.

It helped. But it didn’t solve how he had felt waking up alone.

And damn, did he hate this. Gavin was with Meg. Ryan seemed to be interested, but Jeremy just wasn’t sure and he didn’t want to fuck up again by asking him.  
Instead he just headed home and went to catch a shower and tidy up his beard.

It was too long before the others began to gather for the meeting, and Jeremy almost wished it was over with so he could head out and do something. Maybe head to the range.

Instead, he had to go to the heist room and graciously accept a bouquet of flowers.

He raised his eyebrows at Ray, arms automatically wrapping around the roses.

“Don’t worry man. This is a bro-quet. Its kinda gay, but I don’t wanna bang you.” The other man said with a smirk. “I just heard everyone else was giving you gifts and wanted in on the action.”

“Thanks?” Jeremy had to adjust his grip, kinda surprised how many red roses there were. “Are you expecting a bro job back?”

That earned him an earnest laugh before Ray went to sit down. Jeremy had to leave again, headed for the kitchen to find a vase to put the flowers in.

“Those are beautiful.” Meg commented as Jeremy passed her and Gavin in the hallway.

“Thanks.” Jeremy managed a smile, but kept going. “Sorry, in a rush. I’ll see you both at the meeting.”

Ryan was already in the kitchen when Jeremy arrived, the man finishing off a cup of coffee. He was back in his skull makeup again, this time looking flawless instead of smudged.

“Roses?”

“Ray.” Jeremy shrugged. “Do we have a vase?”

Ryan pulled one out from under the sink, but didn’t give it over at first, instead filling it with water and adding a few splashes of vinegar and some sugar. He swirled it around, then passed it over. “They’ll last longer like this.”

Jeremy smiled, but hurried to put the flowers in the vase. “You’re really smart you know. How do you know all these things?”

Ryan shrugged, but it was hard to deny that he was smiling back at Jeremy. “I like being useful.”

“Speaking of being useful.” Jeremy started. “What do you know about Hamlet?”

Ryan seemed surprised, making Jeremy wonder if he should have segwayed into the topic. At the same time, he didn’t want to keep sharing his gifts with the world. He was fine with sharing the Ray flowers but…

What J.H. did suddenly felt private. The gifts had been personalized and thoughtful, making Jeremy feel special in a way he hadn’t felt like in a long time. They had even made sure that Jeremy had found the box when he was alone, like it was meant to be just for him.

And after fucking things up with Gavin, Jeremy wanted something nice in his life to go right.

“If you two are done gossiping.” Jack stepped in, breaking the silence that had fallen in the kitchen.

“Come on Lil J.” Ryan lead the way, giving him a smile. “I’ll tell you everything about that later.”

Even in a crew of murderous criminals, group meetings were hard.

Funhaus, the Faunus and Adam Ellis had came, all the teams comparing notes on their progress on destroying the Olympians and FNKI. Funhaus had managed to attack the Olympians and frame FNKI by using glow sticks and rollerblades (Joel R had been great with Roller Blades. Peake, not so much). Faunus had reports of the two crews already starting to war. Ellis was just there to keep tabs on the situation and offer his own espionage advice.

“So.” Jack turned to Adam Ellis during a lull in the conversation. “Have you heard about Jeremy’s secret admirers?”

And suddenly the whole room’s attention was on him.

Jeremy flushed, trying to give them all an annoyed look. “It’s all hilarious I know.”

“It is.” Ray grinned. “He got flowers today.”

“We saw. Red roses huh?” Meg seemed all too knowing.

“Man, why don’t I get red roses?” James frowned, looking at his wife with a pleading look.

“I was about to say the same thing.” Joel added, also looking to Elyse as if she would buy him anything.

“Ha ha ha.” Jeremy started to stand. “Are we done here? We’ve all got things to be doing.”

“He’s right.” Geoff stood. “Everyone go do your own thing.”

“Like planning out our attempts to seduce you?” Rubin asked, giving him a grin.

“How do you feel about chocolates.” Bruce stood and headed towards Jeremy, face excited. “How about fudge?”

Jeremy rolled his eyes and then rolled his body, sliding under the table and emerging between Jack and Ellis’s chairs. Ellis was kind enough to help him stand before Jeremy nodded and headed out the door.

No one noticed how strangely tense Gavin had gotten, or how he was glaring daggers at Ryan.

Jeremy’s new gun fired like a dream. He resolved to keep it no matter who JH ended up being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to leave a review


	6. The Sixth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the reviews guys. It really helped.

**February 6th:**

 

It was not even 11 am when Jeremy realized that Gavin was a complete coward.

 

He'd started the day with a smile, his new gun at his hip and a text from Matt asking to hang out and try to get some xbox achievements together. The idea of getting away from his crewmates teasing was more than alluring. It had been far too long since he had the chance to just relax with his friend without worrying about work or his coworkers. His best friend also was less likely to push for details of his two valentines, or his unrequited crushes. 

 

The first thing he had done was head to the gym to do a quick workout. There was zero chance he'd eat anything healthy at Matt's, and even less of a chance they would spend much time on their feet. It would be better to exhaust himself then and there so that he could be properly lazy at his friend's place.

 

His first mistake of the day however was not going straight to the showers afterwards. He had eaten a quick sandwich before going to the gym, but now he was starving and thirsty. He toweled off the sweat a little, pulled on a hoody, and then made his way back up to the penthouse.

 

Their place was quiet, though he could hear Jack on the phone. She was talking in that soft voice she usually used on Joel, but a little bubblier, the name Velvet passing her lips. She had to be talking to that Faunus girl, but Jeremy couldn't blame her for the interest. The girl had been just Jack's type.

 

He headed towards the kitchen, mind so engrossed in the thought of food that he didn't notice the man already inside until he heard his name spoken behind him. 

 

“Good morning.” He nodded at Ryan, giving him a soft smile. The other man was peering over a file, glasses perched on his painted nose. He looked like Death, but also a librarian, and Jeremy wondered why both looks suited him.

 

“Good morning.” The taller man gave him a smile, “you already were at the gym?” It was criminal how good Ryan looked in just a black shirt and jeans. 

 

Jeremy shrugged, finally realizing his folly in not showering first. He couldn't look that great, all flushed and sweaty from the gym, and he could only hope his deodorant was still doing its job. “Yeah. I'll have a busy day.”

 

“I didn't think anything was planned." 

 

“No I'm going out.” He grabbed a frying pan to make an omelet. It was the easiest thing for him to make, especially since the cheese was already grated and the vegetables diced. He had a feeling the vegetables were Jack's, but he didn't take enough that she would notice.

 

“With who?” Jeremy almost thought that Ryan's tone had not sounded like polite small talk like he had an invested interest in who the answer was. He knew better than to think that though, Ryan was probably just trying to understand Jeremy or just prevent the inevitable awkward silence. But it was hard not to hope.

 

“Just Matt.” Jeremy was smiling like an idiot, facing his eggs. Ryan was just making small talk, he reminded himself, Ryan was just polite. He really, really could believe Ryan was V if he let himself. He didn't want to set himself up for failure, but the other man was just what he wanted. “So… Hamlet? What can you tell me about it?”

 

“It's a tragedy, based around murder and revenge.” Ryan said, voice getting a little softer like he was unsure. His blue eyes went back down to his files “A prince’s father is killed by his uncle and he tries to enact justice.”

 

“A tragedy?” That wasn't exactly what he'd hoped for. “So there's a lot of death then? Not much romance.”

 

“More than enough death.” Ryan said softly. “But before it all, the prince loved a woman dearly. His letters to her were beautiful.”

 

Ryan had been an actor once. The shorter man wondered if he had ever been in a production of that play. He wondered if he had ever played the part of whoever read that letter, or if he had played the prince himself. If those words had been from a love letter, it would have made sense for J.H. to use them again.

 

He could still hear whispers of the words in his ears when it was quiet, sounding all too close to Ryan's voice. It was like having a song stuck in his head but worse because it made him feel light and airy. Like he wanted to kiss someone.

 

Cursing his own imagination, Jeremy slid his omelette onto a plate and headed towards the table. “Did the prince love her until the end?” He felt stupid asking, but he was not sure what to think when his love letter was from such a play.

 

“In the end, they had both been lost to grief and pain.” Ryan shrugged. “But yes, I think he did.”

 

Jeremy ate his omelette in silence, mulling over the implications of the poem. Ryan had to know why he was asking all these questions, the man probably even knew who wrote the letter. And that meant that Ryan was actively setting Jeremy up with someone else. Was he helping just because the note writer was his friend, or was he just trying to play fair?

 

“Jeremy?” Jack called out as she stepped into the kitchen. “You're back. Another package arrived for you.” 

 

It was a small wrapped box, just big enough to fill two hands and much lighter than it looked. It was wrapped, but not professionally done, the paper crooked and the tape everywhere.

 

The label was just a piece of printer paper with a hastily scribbled note.

 

_ I hope JH makes you happy _

_ -V _

 

The thing was, Jeremy had spent a summer trying to learn how to forge letters and cheques. He had never gotten the knack of it, but it had given him an appreciation of how different everyone's handwriting was.

 

This note was unmistakably Gavin's handwriting.

 

There was no one else Jeremy knew that wrote anything close to the illegible scrawl Gavin called writing. And honestly, Jeremy wasn’t sure anyone would ever even try to learn how to copy it.

 

He opened the box slowly, ripping the paper with tense hands. The box itself was just a little cheap gift box without a brand on it, though inside was a case with a famous brand name on it.

 

Inside was designer sunglasses.

 

They were perfect, just the right mixture of gaudy and stylish. The frames were golden, with little diamonds embedded where the screws went. They weren’t anything the others would have ever chosen for him, and they weren’t anything someone would buy as a prank.

 

Gavin was V.

 

“E… Excuse me.” Jeremy stood, still holding the glasses case with the reverence of someone holding the holy grail. “I think I need to have a word with Gavin.”

 

Jack laughed, giving him a thumbs up, further evidence that he’d guessed right, but Jeremy couldn’t guess what Ryan’s expression meant. He didn’t really want to look at Ryan at that moment.

 

If Gavin was V, Ryan couldn’t be V. If Gavin was V, he was already giving up on Jeremy and distancing himself.

 

“Gavin.” Jeremy spotted the blonde in the hallway. He was dressed down a little, wearing a hoody and jeans, but he had a few packages in his hands. They were wrapped in different paper, but definitely done by the same unskilled hands. “I need to talk to you.”

 

Gavin glanced over, and his eyes looked far too green. They were bloodshot, though his face was blank. “Sorry. I’m late for something.”

 

“Gavin-” Jeremy sped up. “Just wait. You’re V aren’t you?”

 

Gavin turned away, headed for the door, and Jeremy sprinted towards him, intent on catching him.

 

Instead, he tripped on the carpet, hands abandoning their prize in lieu of catching himself on the wall.

 

Inertia kept the glasses case flying, spilling their contents as they collided with the wall in front of Gavin. The glass broke with a sickening crack, reminding Jeremy of broken bones.

 

And Gavin let out a little startled, hurt noise like Jeremy had just shattered him against the wall.

 

Jeremy didn’t chase him when he left.

 

He knew then that Gavin was a complete coward. But Jeremy was an idiot that had ruined his chance at fixing things.

 

Letting out a frustrated noise, he left the shattered remains of the glasses in the hallway, just going to his room to change and clean himself up just the bare minimum.

 

He could track down Gavin. He could find him and beg him to talk to him. But he couldn’t get himself to do it right now, not after having made him make that startled hurt noise. Not after fucking things up so recently.

 

So he grabs his keys and wallet and headed out, texting Matt to let him know he was coming. Someone had already cleaned up the mess in the hallway, but Jeremy didn’t deserve the remains. He’d fucked up.

 

Matt greeted him with the promise of exploring a brand new Garry's Mod game mode and a greasy pizza. They didn’t talk about anything and Jeremy just tried to forget his troubles.

 

Around 10, his phone beeped with a message. It was just a few words.

 

_ I hope you enjoyed the gun. Would you like to get dinner together on the 12th? _

 

It was from Joel Heyman.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to review :)


	7. The Next few days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. Life threw me a bunch of curve balls last week and everything is kinda messy IRL right now. I'm going to finish this story eventually but it might take a while before I can focus on it again. Heres some more days to keep you going.

**Sorry guys, I had a rough week. Updates might be slow and a little more rough but this will be finished.**

 

**February 7th:**

 

Jeremy went home with just the vague sense that everything in his life was terrible.

 

He’d messaged Joel back with just a vague “I’ll think about it” when really all he wanted to do was go home and beg Gavin to give him another chance. He didn’t want to lead Joel on but at the same time he almost felt like he owed him something. He could show up to the date, try to let Joel down gently, and then try to arrange something with Gavin by Valentine's day. 

 

As if to add to his guilt about not returning Joel’s feelings, a new gift was waiting for him in his room. It was a kevlar vest, perfectly sized for him and painted with the Fake AH logo in green. The letter had no envelope, instead perched open on the front of the vest.

 

_ I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, _

_ or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. _

_ I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, _

_ in secret, between the shadow and the soul. _

 

Below the poem, a quick note had been added.

 

_ I hope this can keep you safe, _

_ JH. _

 

Jeremy cursed, sitting on his bed and letting himself read the poetry over and over again, cheeks flushed. He did not want Joel. But this was something he had never had before with anyone else. This was someone who would take the time to think of him and help him in his job.

 

But it was Joel. The man he had always seen flirting with Jack or arguing over stupid things with Geoff. He was at least two decades Jeremy’s senior and he wore sunvisors. Besides their jobs, Jeremy had no idea what they had in common.

 

He bumped into Ryan in the hallway an hour later. The man looked a little worn down, a splatter of blood on his sleeve. It wasn’t Ryan’s blood so Jeremy chose not to ask.

 

“Hey.” Ryan smiled at him, face open and soft and just a little bit flirty.

 

“Would you ever date Joel?” Jeremy blurted out.

 

“Sorry?” Ryan did a double take, expression dropping completely.

 

“Joel… Joel asked me out.” He said, unable to look at Ryan anymore. He looked just past him instead, hoping Ryan wouldn’t notice. “He admitted to being the letter writer and asked me out.”

 

“So he was J.H?” The other man asked, voice tight. “I never would have imagined it was him.”

 

“I know.” Jeremy gave a little laugh, feeling awkward and a little bitter that it wasn't someone like Ryan.

 

“You are excited about your date then?” The other man looked almost excited for him.

 

“Yeah.” Jeremy nodded, “I guess you'll hear about it later with how the others are acting.”

 

“Be careful.” Ryan said then continued on the hallway.

  
  


**February 8th:**

 

Jeremy had frowned when Jack sought him out first thing in the morning, the woman still grinning ear to ear. He had no idea if he should ask her about Joel or if he should apologize to her about “stealing her man”. He still almost wanted to just give him back, but Ryan wasn't interested and Gavin was still avoiding him.

 

He would at least get one date out of this whole mess, even if he already intended to keep it friendly not romantic.

 

“There's someone else who loves you.” Jack said, holding up a burner phone. “I thought you might want the chance to get to know them.”

 

Jeremy took the phone. “Who is it?”

 

“You'll see.” She backed up but stood watching him.

 

“What? You want me to call them?”

 

“They want you to.” She shrugged, “If you would rather I take the phone back….?”

 

Jeremy signed, opening the phone and calling the only saved number on the phone.

 

It was nerve wracking, hearing the phone ring out. Jack was watching with obvious glee.

 

The other line clicked as they finally picked up. “Hello?”

 

Jeremy would recognize that voice anywhere. He melted into his seat a little and let out a sigh. “Hi Mom.”

 

Jack kissed his forehead as she left. He swore he was going to put glitter in her car vents.

 

**February 9th:**

 

Michael gave Jeremy a taser after super, smiling a little broadly. “Here, since you're so popular. You might need this to keep all your stalkers at bay.”

 

“Thanks Michael.”


End file.
